


Life Before Death

by BlessedMasochist



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, angstfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:45:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlessedMasochist/pseuds/BlessedMasochist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Becoming a reaper only has one requirement: death by one's own hand.<br/>Some prefer to forget their lives as humans, and others struggle to remember. In a moment of vulnerable intimacy, Alan is inspired by the story of Eric's life, and recalls what his own was like before the poison stopped his heartbeat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Before Death

**Author's Note:**

> (This drabble was originally an RP between myself and tumblr user EricaBlossoms, and the format has been relatively unchanged, hence the odd spacing. If you're a fan of Alan you can follow my tumblr, Shi-no-toge )

_The pair sat snug together on the couch, Alan nestled comfortably in Eric’s lap as Alan recovered from a small attack. With strong arms about him, the young man slowly calmed, further comforted as his lover regaled him with a passionate tale of his life as a human. Alan was moved by his story, never having heard it before. He found it hard to wrap his mind around Eric having a life before the one they had created together; a wife, four children, Alan was shocked, yet endeared. He found himself drawn to tell his own story._

Ye were married?“ Eric asked softly 

He nodded, smiling faintly. "Her name was Cynthia. We were more friends than lovers; married by our parents for their convenience. She was a lovely woman, with long wavy hair down to her waist…” He trailed off, recalling things he had not thought of in many years. “She had a beautiful smile.”

“Ye loved her?”

“She was very dear to me, yes. I confess I was not physically attracted to her, though she was very beautiful. She seemed to understand, and never held it against me.” He took a breath. “I did my duty as a husband, however, and though we tried often, we never had any children.” He sighed softly. “I wish I could have given her a proper home.”

Eric caressed his cheeks. “Ye had a home a wife…why did ye?” The question hung in the air awkwardly. All lives came to an end eventually, and to become a reaper that end was required to be rather… messy.

Alan sighed softly, nestling himself into Eric’s shoulder. It was a difficult thing to talk about. “I worked at an Apothecary as an apprentice, and was paid well for my work. Despite my devotion to my wife, I began to fall in love with my supervisor.” He began, recalling the man that set the end of his life in motion. “Perhaps it was foolish, allowing my heart to be stolen when it was promised to another… I was incredibly devoted as an employee, and quite defensive of him. A particularly nasty regular customer struck him with a cane during a transaction one afternoon and I took it upon myself to play god and punish him.” His expression shifted guiltily. “I began to poison his pills, but I was discovered. My supervisor noticed right away that something was wrong with the composition of the medication. I had no choice but to confess, and… I confessed entirely.” He took a breath, eyes watery. “I was utterly rejected, mocked even… and what was worse, he told Cynthia.”

“Oh Alan,” he murmured softly. “Devoted and sweet Alan…”

A few tears rolled down his cheeks, but he was compelled to continue. “She was heartbroken. She had trusted me and I betrayed her as her husband by allowing myself to stray.” He took a breath. “We lived in a small town, and word traveled quickly. Poor sweet Cynthia… she didn’t deserve the ridicule of having a deviant for a lover, and the guilt ate me alive. So, after penning a long apology, I walked into the Apothecary for the last time, in the dead of night, and made a veritable cocktail of poisons.”

Eric kissed the boy’s forehead. “I’m surprised they didn’t kill ye, lad…”

“Didn’t really give them the chance.” he replied. “It all spiraled out of control so fast, I just… wanted some last grasp at control.” He chuckled sadly. “It didn’t take long before my little mixed drink did me in. Who knows what happened after that. I always hoped that she was able to recover from the ridicule, re-marry, have a proper family with children… I hope she found happiness.” He bowed his head for a moment.

“Tha’s kind of ye, Alan…And this supervisor of yers…”

“He was married.” he admitted, embarrassed. “I’m sure he and his wife had a good laugh over it and moved on with life, though I feel slightly guilty for using up so much of his expensive product in my graceful exit from the world…”

Eric laughed. “I wouldn’t feel bad. He sounds like a tosser~”

Alan laughed softly. “You’re biased.”

He tickled his sides gently. “Maaaybe~”

Alan giggled, squirming slightly. “There is a bright side in every sad story though, isn’t there? Everything became so awful and unbearable, but… If it had not I would not be here, sitting comfortably in the warm lap of the man that I love.”

Eric smiled gently. “Ye love me~”

He met his eyes and returned the smile. “I love you very much.”


End file.
